DO WE NEED ETIQUETTE IN FAST
FORWARD DIGITAL WORLD?
THE EVOLUTION OF MODERN ETIQUETTE
People who
ridicule etiquette as a mass of trivial and arbitrary conventions,
"extremely troublesome to those who practise them and insupportable to
everybody else," seem to forget the long, slow progress of social
intercourse in the upward climb of man from the primeval state. Conventions
were established from the first to regulate the rights of the individual and
the tribe. They were and are the rules of the game of life and must be followed
if we would "play the game."
Nevertheless,
to some the very word etiquette is an irritant. It implies a great pother about
trifles, these conscientious objectors assure us, and trifles are unimportant.
Trifles are unimportant, it is true, but then life is made up of trifles.
MEN often speak
of good manners as an accomplishment. I speak of them as a
duty. What, then, are good manners? Such manners as the usages of
society have recognized as being agreeable to men. Such manners as take away
rudeness, and remit to the brute creation all coarseness. There are a great
many who feel that good manners are effeminate. They have a feeling that rude
bluntness is a great deal more manly than good manners. It is a great deal more
beastly. But when men are crowded in communities, the art of living together is
no small art. How to diminish friction; how to promote ease of intercourse; how
to make every part of a man's life contribute to the welfare and satisfaction
of those around him; how to keep down offensive pride; how to banish the
rasping of selfishness from the intercourse of men; how to move among men
inspired by various and conflictive motives, and yet not have collisions --
this is the function of good manners.
Not only is
the violation of good manners inexcusable on ordinary grounds, but it is
sinful. When, therefore, parents and guardians and teachers would inspire the
young with a desire for the manners of good society, it is not to be thought
that they are accomplishments which may be accepted or rejected. Every man is
bound to observe the laws of politeness. It is the expression of good-will and
kindness. It promotes both beauty in the man who possesses it, and happiness in
those who are about him.
There is a
great deal of contempt expressed for what is called etiquette in society. Now
and then there are elements of etiquette which perhaps might well be ridiculed;
but in the main there is a just reason for all those customs which come under
the head of etiquette. There is a reason which as regard to facility of
intercourse. There is a reason in the avoidance of offense. There is a reason
in comfort and happiness. And no man can afford to violate these unwritten
customs of etiquette who wishes to act as a true noble lady or gentleman.
Agreeable
manners are very frequently the fruits of a good heart, and then they will
surely please, even though they may lack somewhat of graceful, courtly polish.
There is hardly any thing of greater importance to children of either sex than
good-breeding; and if parents and teachers would perform their duties faithfully,
there would not be so much complaint concerning the manners of the American
child of the period.
ETIQUETTE IN THE 21ST
CENTURY SHOULD BEGIN AT HOME
Let us train
up our children to behave at home as we would have them act abroad; for we may
be certain that, while they are children, they will conduct themselves abroad
as they have been in the habit of doing, under similar circumstances at home.
The new
version of the old proverb : --
Good manners
are not merely conventional rules, but are founded upon reason and good sense
and are, therefore, most worthy of the consideration of all; and there are many
points of good-breeding which neither time nor place will ever change, because
they are founded upon a just regard of man for man.
9 KEYS TO PROVE YOURSELF A GENTLEMAN (ALWAYS)
We frequently
hear these questions asked: "Who is a lady? and who is a gentleman?"
The answers
may be difficult to supply on account of the great difference of opinion in
various classes of society, upon this subject.
Some would
declare that position, advantageous surroundings, great riches, high birth, or
superior intelligence and education, gave the requisites; but all of our
readers know of persons who possess some one or more of these advantages, and
yet they cannot lay true claims to this desirable and distinctive appellation.
Hence we frequently
hear these words --
"Ah! she
is no lady!" or, "Indeed, he is no gentleman!" applied to those
whose standing is high; who possess much wealth; or are endowed with genius;
but have neglected to add to their other advantages the touchstone of politeness
and good-breeding.
Our reply to
the question is that a well-bred lady is one who to true modesty and
refinement, adds a scrupulous attention to the rights and feelings of those
with whom she associates, whether they are rich or poor, and who is the same
both in the kitchen or parlor.
1. Be a Helper
2. Respect Others
3.
Speak Decently Always
4. Let Others Go First
5. Send a Thank You Note
6. Introduce People
7. COMMUNICATE LIKE A TECHIE GENTLEMAN
Texting “Hey, I’m
running 20 minutes late” is not as acceptable as making the effort to be on
time. If you can’t attend an event that you’re formally invited to, don’t think
that not RSVPing is the same as declining. And don’t RSVP at the last minute
for an event that involves real planning by the host.. Don’t bellow on your
cell phone. Just because you can’t hear the other person well doesn’t mean the
other person can’t hear you well.. Turn off the phone at a dinner party, and be
in the moment. You’re annoying at least one person who thinks you have no
social skills. At bare minimum, turn off the ringer so you can text and
conspire in relative stealth.. Remember that if you feel a need to respond
immediately to every incoming text, you’ll lose more in the eyes of the person
who’s in front of you than you’ll gain from the unseen people who are
benefiting from your efficiency. When you drive don’t honk at other drivers unless it’s to avoid an
accident.
8.
Meetings make the Business man - What Not to Do
Meetings are a place not
only to get information, but also where people make judgments about each other.
Meetings are your stage to present yourself in a positive light. Don't miss out
on that opportunity· Don't fiddle -- leave paperclips unbent and don't bounce
them.
· Don't doodle on a notepad. (People will start trying to see what you're
doing. And this draws attention to the fact that you're not paying attention.)
· Don't chew gum or pop mints or candy into your mouth.
· PLEASE don't chew ice cubes!!!
· Don't ask for coffee or other refreshments unless they are being offered.
· If food and drinks are offered, clear your plate as soon as possible.
· Avoid letting your mind wander, no matter how boring the meeting may seem.
DO WE NEED ETIQUETTE IN FAST
FORWARD DIGITAL WORLD?
THE EVOLUTION OF MODERN ETIQUETTE
People who
ridicule etiquette as a mass of trivial and arbitrary conventions,
"extremely troublesome to those who practise them and insupportable to
everybody else," seem to forget the long, slow progress of social
intercourse in the upward climb of man from the primeval state. Conventions
were established from the first to regulate the rights of the individual and
the tribe. They were and are the rules of the game of life and must be followed
if we would "play the game."
Nevertheless,
to some the very word etiquette is an irritant. It implies a great pother about
trifles, these conscientious objectors assure us, and trifles are unimportant.
Trifles are unimportant, it is true, but then life is made up of trifles.
MEN often speak
of good manners as an accomplishment. I speak of them as a
duty. What, then, are good manners? Such manners as the usages of
society have recognized as being agreeable to men. Such manners as take away
rudeness, and remit to the brute creation all coarseness. There are a great
many who feel that good manners are effeminate. They have a feeling that rude
bluntness is a great deal more manly than good manners. It is a great deal more
beastly. But when men are crowded in communities, the art of living together is
no small art. How to diminish friction; how to promote ease of intercourse; how
to make every part of a man's life contribute to the welfare and satisfaction
of those around him; how to keep down offensive pride; how to banish the
rasping of selfishness from the intercourse of men; how to move among men
inspired by various and conflictive motives, and yet not have collisions --
this is the function of good manners.
Not only is
the violation of good manners inexcusable on ordinary grounds, but it is
sinful. When, therefore, parents and guardians and teachers would inspire the
young with a desire for the manners of good society, it is not to be thought
that they are accomplishments which may be accepted or rejected. Every man is
bound to observe the laws of politeness. It is the expression of good-will and
kindness. It promotes both beauty in the man who possesses it, and happiness in
those who are about him.
There is a
great deal of contempt expressed for what is called etiquette in society. Now
and then there are elements of etiquette which perhaps might well be ridiculed;
but in the main there is a just reason for all those customs which come under
the head of etiquette. There is a reason which as regard to facility of
intercourse. There is a reason in the avoidance of offense. There is a reason
in comfort and happiness. And no man can afford to violate these unwritten
customs of etiquette who wishes to act as a true noble lady or gentleman.
Agreeable
manners are very frequently the fruits of a good heart, and then they will
surely please, even though they may lack somewhat of graceful, courtly polish.
There is hardly any thing of greater importance to children of either sex than
good-breeding; and if parents and teachers would perform their duties faithfully,
there would not be so much complaint concerning the manners of the American
child of the period.
ETIQUETTE IN THE 21ST
CENTURY SHOULD BEGIN AT HOME
"BE COURTEOUS,"
it is a moral injunction which we should ever bear in mind.
Let us train
up our children to behave at home as we would have them act abroad; for we may
be certain that, while they are children, they will conduct themselves abroad
as they have been in the habit of doing, under similar circumstances at home.
The new
version of the old proverb : --
Good manners
are not merely conventional rules, but are founded upon reason and good sense
and are, therefore, most worthy of the consideration of all; and there are many
points of good-breeding which neither time nor place will ever change, because
they are founded upon a just regard of man for man.
9 KEYS TO PROVE YOURSELF A GENTLEMAN (ALWAYS)
We frequently
hear these questions asked: "Who is a lady? and who is a gentleman?"
The answers
may be difficult to supply on account of the great difference of opinion in
various classes of society, upon this subject.
Some would
declare that position, advantageous surroundings, great riches, high birth, or
superior intelligence and education, gave the requisites; but all of our
readers know of persons who possess some one or more of these advantages, and
yet they cannot lay true claims to this desirable and distinctive appellation.
Hence we frequently
hear these words --
"Ah! she
is no lady!" or, "Indeed, he is no gentleman!" applied to those
whose standing is high; who possess much wealth; or are endowed with genius;
but have neglected to add to their other advantages the touchstone of politeness
and good-breeding.
Our reply to
the question is that a well-bred lady is one who to true modesty and
refinement, adds a scrupulous attention to the rights and feelings of those
with whom she associates, whether they are rich or poor, and who is the same
both in the kitchen or parlor.
Whoever is
true, loyal and sincere; whoever is of a humane and affable demeanor, and
courteous to all; whoever is honorable in himself, and in his judgment of
others, and requires no law but his word to hold him to his engagements; --
such a man is a gentleman, -- whether he be dressed in broadcloth and in fine
linen or be clad in a blue homespun frock; -- whether his hands are white and
soft, or hardened and stained with drudgery and toil.
1. Be a Helper
If you see someone whose arms are
overloaded with packages, open the door. Also, if you have just entered a building
and someone is right behind you, hold the door to keep it from slamming in his
or her face.
2. Respect Others
When you interact with other people,
you need to respect them. Allow others to voice their opinions without
argument. Respect their personal space as you would want others to respect
yours. When you are in the company of someone of greater authority, show him or
her proper respect.
3.
Speak Decently Always
The
old saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything” is
wise and should be followed in most social situations. You’ll avoid having to
backtrack or explain if you keep your snarky thoughts to yourself. Remember how easily e-gossip can be forwarded along to the
wrong person.. Just because you’re wearing headphones doesn’t mean you can tune
out from social courtesies. For example, if you accidentally cross someone’s
personal space, apologize graciously.
4. Let Others Go First
If you can let others go first
without awkwardness, then do it. This includes walking, standing in line, and
driving. A woman with little children will appreciate getting through the checkout lane
quickly, particularly if her children are hungry or bored. If a driver needs to
move into your lane, and you can let him in without the person behind you
rear-ending you, then gesture for him to go ahead.
5. Send a Thank You Note
Being thankful will never go out of
style. When someone does something for you, or sends you a gift, thank the
person with a hand written that’s the least you can do for a person who
has taken the time to think of you.
6. Introduce People
When you are in a situation where
you’re the only person who knows the other parties, take the time to introduce
them. Look at the person whose name you are saying, speak clearly, and if
you’re in a social setting, find something the people have in common. For
example, you might say, “Jim, I’d like you to meet my friend Sally. She just
got back from Italy, and since you used to live there, I thought you might
enjoy talking about your experiences.”
7. COMMUNICATE LIKE A TECHIE GENTLEMAN
Texting “Hey, I’m
running 20 minutes late” is not as acceptable as making the effort to be on
time. If you can’t attend an event that you’re formally invited to, don’t think
that not RSVPing is the same as declining. And don’t RSVP at the last minute
for an event that involves real planning by the host.. Don’t bellow on your
cell phone. Just because you can’t hear the other person well doesn’t mean the
other person can’t hear you well.. Turn off the phone at a dinner party, and be
in the moment. You’re annoying at least one person who thinks you have no
social skills. At bare minimum, turn off the ringer so you can text and
conspire in relative stealth.. Remember that if you feel a need to respond
immediately to every incoming text, you’ll lose more in the eyes of the person
who’s in front of you than you’ll gain from the unseen people who are
benefiting from your efficiency. When you drive don’t honk at other drivers unless it’s to avoid an
accident.
8.
Meetings make the Business man - What Not to Do
Meetings are a place not
only to get information, but also where people make judgments about each other.
Meetings are your stage to present yourself in a positive light. Don't miss out
on that opportunity· Don't fiddle -- leave paperclips unbent and don't bounce
them.
· Don't doodle on a notepad. (People will start trying to see what you're
doing. And this draws attention to the fact that you're not paying attention.)
· Don't chew gum or pop mints or candy into your mouth.
· PLEASE don't chew ice cubes!!!
· Don't ask for coffee or other refreshments unless they are being offered.
· If food and drinks are offered, clear your plate as soon as possible.
· Avoid letting your mind wander, no matter how boring the meeting may seem.
9. Gentlemen Prove Themselves Through Listening Skills
Good etiquette involves good listening skills. Active listening conveys
that you are receptive and not simply trying to push your point of view. Do not
automatically turn the conversation back to the last thing you said. Keep
negotiations moving forward by comprehending, and not merely hearing, what the
other person says. Repeat key messages -- and ask leading or probing questions.
If the other individual suggests solutions, you should also put options on the
table. Never interrupt the person who is speaking, even when you strongly
disagree. Show genuine concern for the other party’s well being and express
appreciation for his willingness to express his side. These approaches are not
interpreted as signs of weakness in the negotiation process; they convey
respect.
DR WILFRED MONTEIRO
Good etiquette involves good listening skills. Active listening conveys
that you are receptive and not simply trying to push your point of view. Do not
automatically turn the conversation back to the last thing you said. Keep
negotiations moving forward by comprehending, and not merely hearing, what the
other person says. Repeat key messages -- and ask leading or probing questions.
If the other individual suggests solutions, you should also put options on the
table. Never interrupt the person who is speaking, even when you strongly
disagree. Show genuine concern for the other party’s well being and express
appreciation for his willingness to express his side. These approaches are not
interpreted as signs of weakness in the negotiation process; they convey
respect.
WITH BEST COMPLIMENTS
DR WILFRED MONTEIRO
www.synergymanager.net
